We all grieve. Yet we often underestimate its impact upon us and those around us. A recent US study, done before this pandemic, found that 57% of Americans are grieving the loss of someone over the last three years. That means, of the two people you meet, one could be grieving. And according to a research by the Australian National University in 2019, the trauma caused by the death of a close friend endures four times longer than previously believed.
While death is one of the causes of grief, there are more causes than we realize – the loss of jobs, pets, relationships and health. In addition, the current pandemic has deprived many of their usual freedom, sense of security and hope, all of which can be causes of grief, whether knowingly or unknowingly. Sadly, most modern-day Christians are ill-equipped to grieve and mourn well for losses. The notion that grieving and mourning longer than normal are non-Christian would probably do more harm to the Christian community.
Everyone grieves differently. Without going through the full extent of grief would prevent our humanity from experiencing what only God can offer – comfort and peace (Isaiah 9:6). I believe a healthy Christian spirituality that leads to healing and life is one that allows the true humanness to experience its brokenness before seeing God face-to-face (Job 42:5).
The highly acclaimed C. S. Lewis has demonstrated that through his own story. A Grief Observed is a compilation of his journals reflecting on the loss of his wife. It opens a window for all to see how he is figuring out how to process his wife’s death, how to process the things he knew objectively but had never had to really deal with personally. It is very much a guided tour through Lewis’ testing of faith, coming to terms with the pain and loss, and ultimately finding healing. He figured, “God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t.” The disclosure of his inner world serves as an invitation for anyone willing to discover the hidden gift in grief.
It is okay to grieve and mourn. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Mt 5:4)